


Fourth Time's the Charm

by AliciaSinCiudad



Category: God's Own Country (2017)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, G-word (not spelled out) as used in film, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Swearing, continuation after the ending, realizing your own self worth, so so much swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 15:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15799428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaSinCiudad/pseuds/AliciaSinCiudad
Summary: The first time Johnny pulled that kind of s--t, Gheorghe just figured he was a deeply unhappy and (less) deeply closeted boy-in-a-man’s-body, and he let it go.The second time Johnny pulled that kind of s--t, Gheorghe was f---ing heart-broken. They had spent so much time together, had started to open up to each other, and Gheorghe had been so goddamnedpatientwith the man, didn’t he deserve better than this?He did. He did deserve better, and he went off in search of better. But before he found better, Johnny found him.





	Fourth Time's the Charm

 

 

 

The first time Johnny pulled that kind of shit, Gheorghe just figured he was a deeply unhappy and (less) deeply closeted boy-in-a-man’s-body, and he let it go.

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

The second time Johnny pulled that kind of shit, Gheorghe was fucking heart-broken. They had spent so much time together, had started to open up to each other, and Gheorghe had been so goddamned _patient_ with the man, didn’t he deserve better than this?

He did. He did deserve better, and he went off in search of better. But before he found better, Johnny found him.

Johnny didn’t apologize, but he’d gone after him, had tracked him down, had all but told Gheorghe he loved him. Wasn’t that enough?

Surely it was enough. Surely it was as good as an apology. Gheorghe was still hurt, but he forgave Johnny, and he returned to build a true home, together.

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

The third time Johnny pulled that kind of shit, Gheorghe felt simultaneously nauseous and numb.

He remembered that Johnny had never apologized. Not for the last time he’d cheated, when he’d driven Gheorghe all the way back to Romania. Not for anything.

And he said so, told Johnny to his face. Told him he could not possibly be expected to forgive Johnny when Johnny would not even say he was sorry.

And so he did. He apologized for cheating on Gheorghe, this time and the last. He apologized for being a selfish little twat. He apologized for being rude, cold, distant, and occasionally racist. ( _You know I don’t mean that shite_ , he said, and Gheorghe did, he knew it, but he still wished Johnny would stop saying it all the same.)

Well, Gheorghe had asked for an apology, and he’d gotten it in spades. And that was that. He forgave Johnny. Again. But he was starting to have his doubts.

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

The fourth time Johnny pulled that kind of shit, Gheorghe almost left without saying good-bye. But then he decided to tell Johnny first. It wasn’t for Johnny, it was for him. For closure.

Johnny apologized, without prompting this time. And Gheorghe listened. Then he started packing his bags.

Johnny apologized again. Gheorghe thanked him for the apology. And continued to pack.

Then Johnny started pleading, and those were almost certainly actual tears. Gheorghe’s stomach hurt, but he did not comfort Johnny. He just breathed slowly through his nose, mouth clenched tight against any unwise words.

Johnny began to shout. _––I apologized didn’t I? ––You did. ––And that isn’t enough?_ Gheorghe could not find an answer to that, so he just shrugged. _––What, then? More apologies? GROVELING? What do you want, you fucking g--o f----t?_ Silence. _––I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t mean that._

Maybe Johnny had meant those words, and maybe he hadn’t. There was no doubt that the one Johnny hated most of all was himself. No doubt that Gheorghe was good for Johnny, that he stabilized him, softened him, as much as Johnny could be stabilized and softened. No doubt that Johnny had changed because of Gheorghe, for the better. No doubt that he could keep changing, keep improving.

And that was all very well and good. For Johnny. But someone had to worry about Gheorghe too, and there was no one but Gheorghe himself to do it.

So when his own tears came, he let them come. And when Johnny tried to wipe them away, he only flinched a little at his touch.

It was hard to leave. There was a lot he would miss. He knew that Johnny would most likely return to his drunken anti-social ways without Gheorghe’s gentle influence. But Gheorghe was not a supporting role in someone else’s life. He needed to be his own protagonist.

So he finished packing his bags. And he said good-bye. And he left.


End file.
